Christianity · Satire

Conscience: How To Sell It and Why You Should

“There was a sort of stock or scrip, called Conscience, which seemed to be in great demand, and would purchase almost anything. Indeed, few rich commodities were to be obtained without paying a heavy sum in this particular stock, and a man’s business was seldom very lucrative unless he knew precisely when and how to throw his hoard of conscience into the market. Yet as this stock was the only thing of permanent value, whoever parted with it was sure to find himself a loser in the long run.” ~Nathaniel Hawthorne, “The Celestial Railroad” (talking about Vanity Fair in his own rendition of Bunyan’s “Pilgrim’s Progress”)

Conscience is one of the most disgusting, dulling, and dreary possessions a man can have. All it does is keep us away from who we want to be. What should stop a man from doing as he wishes or gaining what he wants?

But I shouldn’t distress myself in being so temperamental. Here in the twenty-first century, we are experiencing one of the greatest revivals ever known to man. It’s not a revival of Christianity or a revival of any kind of morality. It’s the revival of those who wish to turn away from their conscience and follow their hearts—a glorious pursuit of desire.

I am firmly convinced that our modern society needs to sell conscience to the executioners. Those “little voices” that supposedly tell us what’s right or wrong should be burned as the ancient heretic. What is fun is who we should be; we should not live life wondering whether or not something was good or bad. Everyone loves fun, and if everyone pursues fun, surely everyone will be happy!

I know this sounds obvious, as if I should not even need to write it, but there’s a breed of people that will not hold firm to this belief. It’s those who call themselves Christians—yet even that name is vague! Some of them are on our side, but others…I think their “Messiah” would call them the “true church.” I pity them. They spend too much time reading a book of outdated laws that they cannot begin to have fun, saying that they could but they don’t because of their “Lord.” That’s tragic, friends, and I write for their salvation. We need to share the truth, and I can think of no better way to do so than to share the benefits of embracing this lifestyle.

Trade Conscience for Business

Some people just can’t stand saying something “wrong” to somebody to get a little more money. Instead of looking out for himself, the Christian often wants to be straightforward and honest with people—as if that would give him any happiness!

Hamlet once said that “every man hath business and desire.” It is my conviction that business is used only for desire—for a man to get wealth so he can do what he pleases with it. If he doesn’t do business for what he wants but instead does it in “the interests of others,” he loses the whole point! If you do business well, you’ll get what you want—and you won’t care how you get it.

Trade Conscience for Pleasure

You are your own. Whatever you like is whatever you like; whatever works best for you is what’s best for you. There’s a new Halo or Overwatch game sitting in the shop window but you can’t afford it? Go in and get it; nobody will notice. You want those gallons of ice cream in the grocery store? Get them on credit if you can’t get them for free. A pretty woman walking down the sidewalk? Go on and flirt; you deserve the diversion after a day’s hard work. You understand the idea.

As I’ve said before, fun is the main pursuit of life. I’ve never felt anything more satisfying than going after what I want, and I know it’ll be the same for you too.

Trade Conscience for Life

Hard-core Bible-thumpers don’t understand at all. They say that they shouldn’t commit “sin” because they want to be ready for the next life—but they don’t even know if there’s anything beyond death! (Well, they claim that there’s a good place and a bad place, but they can’t even prove that!)

What these people fail to comprehend is that this is the only life! Nature has called us here for a reason, and we must walk by her Light. Nature is the One who has given us the freedom to choose what we want to do and the freedom to do it. If we can’t see what She has given us, we’re going to be as morbid as the Christians. Fun is the name of the game, friends! Don’t worry about whatever will happen next—there’s no such thing! In denying your conscience, you live in the truth, and the truth will set you free.

One more objection I need to talk about. Many people who call themselves Christians say that the thing we like to call conscience is just as valid a part of the body as the desire for gratifying yourself. I’ve never heard anything more stupid. If that theory were true, then why is it easier to follow the “flesh” instead of the voice of the “Holy Spirit”? It’s a bunch of big nonsense, if you ask me.

“For our boasting is this: the testimony of our conscience that we conducted ourselves in the world in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom but by the grace of God, and more abundantly toward you.” ~Second Corinthians 1:12, NKJV


~Sarah Merly

March 27, 2018

Isaiah 53